Do I believe in love at first sight?

No! I don't believe in love. That is to say I don't have time for what we glibly refer to as love as an excuse to get our claws into someone and say they are all mine. From what I understand there are chemicals in the brain involved in this attraction.

Supposedly this chemical stuff lasts around 7 years, in that time you get some history together. That history helps to form a bond.

So, this "love" is nothing more than a chemical high followed by a "Folie à Deux" (the madness of two!) a French expression that talks about how two people doing something together becomes more intense and directed.

However, there is a kind of love that has little to do with the emotions. It is the kind of love that will work through devotion. This is the love of the Bible. It has the ability to be unconditional. The thing about the "marriage" love is that it isn't unconditional. It is also very selfish. It is a love that is as much self serving as it is serving the object of the love. It is a love that is exclusive. The thing about unconditional love is that it isn't selfish or exclusive.

"Marriage love" is often out of desperation. The feeling that you don't want to be alone or left on the shelf. It can be a boastful love, "Look at my partner, better than your partner." both can be motivated from insecurity. Unconditional love isn't motivated from feelings of insecurity but rather from a base of security. It isn't driven from the self motivated feeling of loneliness, but rather by feeling for others. It isn't motivated pride or ego, in fact true unconditional love has to be the complete opposite. I have met people who try to show unconditional love in a boastful way, but that is self sabotaging, as it is no longer unconditional. It is not being given to those who have to be boasted to!

Have I got time for the kind of fickle waste of time and energy we mistakenly call love? No, There are too many people living for what they can get out of life. I want to devote my time and energy to just loving full stop. Not waiting to be loved. God loves me and from that I can love.

Well, it's started

I had given up posting on here because I wanted to focus on writing stuff properly. Since then I have written and booklet called "God is love, part 1: being open to God's love." Available from me on PDF or printed copy if you are close enough.

I have also given a talk at our church. The recording quality is pretty bad but you can hear it here (Oooh both heres/ hears in one sentence!!) http://www.twydallec.org.uk/Twydall/Richard.m3u

Oh stuff!

At the moment I am trying to write a booklet. I have been trying to write booklets for a long time. My aim is to write booklets that can easily be printed at home and handed out at church.

I do not see that I have a speaking ministry, I see that I want to create bible study in booklet form rather than spoken form. Then people can use them as reference material and pass them around.

I get that horrible feeling that I can't do it. Perhaps I am starting on too big a subject? I also get the negative thoughts about my writing. Is it too boring, not enough "funny anecdotes", stupid typos like missing out the "nots!" I was just reading a past post and noticed another missing "not" I keep doing it! I write "should" instead of "shouldn't", "do" instead of "don't", I wrote "We are built for heaven" instead of "We are not built for heaven." It doesn't make me feel like an effective communicator.

My drive is pretty low anyway, so to have things like this knock my confdence pretty bad. One thought is to really work on one booklet at a time. Do a full study, then carefully outline the main points, then spend time working on illustrations and annecdotes for each point. Then spend time proof reading and ask some friends to proof read as well, reading it out loud is a good idea as well. And especially reading it out loud to someone else.

I don't want them to be massive works, just simple little booklets outlining basic doctriones. I have been trying to work on a booklet about grace, but I never feel happy with it.

Like I say, it is a pretty big subject and contraversial in that it challenges our held understanding of what grace is.

Perhaps I should start on some more simple basic stuff to get going, and to get a readership.

Christians and suicide

Well, I am about controversy if nothing else!!

I have heard it said that for a Christian to kill him/herself it is at the lowest theft of something that doesn't belong to you as your life belongs to Christ. and at the worst self murder. Well Paul in Philippians 1:20 to 23 says:

"1:20 according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will in no way be disappointed, but with all boldness, as always, now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life, or by death. 1:21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. 1:22 But if I live on in the flesh, this will bring fruit from my work; yet I don't make known what I will choose. 1:23 But I am in a dilemma between the two, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. "

Reading that I would say it is his choice. It is very similar to Hamlets, "To be or not to be!" Of course Paul chose to stay for the sake of others not for his own sake. Clearly if it were just him he would have departed by choice.

What if you don't have a clear line of vision into your future? Not many of us do, it has been bleak, it is bleaker and it looks to get bleaker still. Maybe it hasn't been so bleak. Maybe your life was getting somewhere. There are those who are just depressed and have suicidal thoughts. The biggest single killer of men aged 18 to 35 is suicide. The trouble is that as real as depression feels it isn't real. It is a state of mind and suicidal thoughts are a symptom of depression.

Then comes the "Life is over" suicide. Depression is bad enough. I have battled with that for years and got through. But in the words of the Pink Floyd song, you find yourself banging your head on some other mad buggers wall! Today of course, if you have a job and a family then things can be tough but the system isn't really noticeable. But supposing one day you hit up against the system. "No!" is a frequent and unfeeling answer the system gives to anyone who has nothing and wants help. It's hard.

Pain, regret, remorse, are all heavy burdens to carry. The thought that for the rest of your life you have to carry the pains and hurts. Not only do you know from experience that life is hard and needs and lot of energy to get anywhere, but you also now have this extra baggage to carry. It is all very well saying that you can leave it at the foot of the cross, but memories still linger.

The choice, as I see it, is mine and yours, but there have been people who have carried heavier burdens than us. Even Jesus couldn't carry the cross up the hill. He had to be helped. Job was not only desolate and didn't know what had gone wrong, but he was also put among people who who were no encouragement to him. Both Jesus and Job had Glory awaiting them at the end of their trials. Two things to know about Job, that most theologians miss. 1, that he did do something to cause the problem. It is said that he who worries is as he who breaks a hedge. Satan pointed out that Job had a hedge around him and Job worried and offered sacrifices on behalf on his kids. 2, it is often said that at the end Job didn't get back twice everything that was taken from him because at the end the number of kids he had was the same as before. The difference is that where kids are concerned they are still our kids. If he had 1 to start with and another 1 in the end then he had 2. Most theologians love to make out the Bible has an error and therefore can't be trusted.

King Nezzer (Veggie Tales fans!) went mad (well I think it was him!), he ate grass, but he recovered and was restored. This all requires a continuing faith. If you, like me, feel you have lost everything, then remember, God is the God of restoration. I made the mistake before of thinking things couldn't get worse, but then they did! I have tempted the devil before by saying that. No matter how bad things are they could be worse. And no matter how bad things are, God still knows where you are and Romans 8:28 is still true, that He works all things together for the good for those who love Him. "All things" even the hell you are in now. It is funny how when you think things can't get any worse, you claim the promises like this and then they get worse!! That must all be to test our faith and to test how much we truly believe it. As with Job, what the devil wants to prove is that you only love God because He is blessing you. God wants to prove that you love Him anyway. And He will restore double for your trouble! (Yuck, I can't believe I said that!)

I will add something that may sound boastful, God gives each a measure of faith. Each one a different measure of faith. Those who have a greater measure of faith are tested more than those with the lesser measure. Therefore take heart, the greater the test, then the greater the measure you have been given. And now look at the bit before Paul's dilemma concerning his life and death choice.

"1:6 being confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."

We are his workmanship, not ours. He began the work and He will complete it. Sometimes when you do work on a person it involves pain to get to a better place. The same with having work done on the house. How much mess and upheaval is involved in the smallest renovation work?

I have felt recently that a lot of the mess I am in is because I was "over spiritualising" everything. But the devil wants to steel the word from us, Jesus showed that. God wants it to bear fruit in us!

Stuff happens!

Well I feel like I really going through it at the moment. But something I try and do is see these trials as a means to learn and develop my character in line with scripture. That doesn't me I develop my character but that I trust what the Bible says that trials are a means for God to develop a Godly character in us. We just have to keep on trusting Him and if we simply cling onto Him in the midst of the trials He will, through His grace, develop character in us.

There is a lot of talk about breakthrough, blessings and rewards. It is easy to flick the switch and not expect rewards in this lifetime because Jesus once said that we should store up treasure in heaven. But there are two things to say about that, 1, we are made for heaven. When we get there we will only be waiting for the millennium and the new Earth. 2, Jesus also mentioned the idea of reward in this lifetime. Again just because we are storing treasure in heaven doesn't tell us about when it will be released for us. In the same way a bank may say, "Don't stick your money under the mattress where there is no interest, stick it in a bank account!" Does that mean you can't have your money? Of course not.

This is something I have noticed that people do. I probably do it too, I haven't noticed a specific example yet. We do something that someone tells us, but when they tell us to do something different we don't. A recent example I saw was I had a team meeting with the family before a meeting with someone to make sure we were all on the same page. I explained what I wanted our approach to be. They all agreed. During the meeting with the other person I realised I had made the wrong assumption so decided to change strategy, thinking my wife would come with me, but she stuck to her guns on the preprogrammed course! It wasn't that critical, but she found it hard to understand that if I had preprogrammed her as to what we would say that the same person who had given the original instruction was now giving a different instruction.

That is just an example of how we stick rigidly to an original thought and don't like change. Jesus is constantly changing us. We are living sacrifices, that means that we are continually being put to death. Our assumptions are usually arrived at by our world view before we are changed. So, after we are changed we should have a new perspective. But there are a lot of Christians in the world who hold onto their worldview. Does that mean they haven't been changed?

Anyway, I am digressing. The past couple of days God has rescued my attitude with some wonderful reminders. One day I heard the words, "It may not be being done to you but for you." The next day was, "It isn't your fault, it's for your good."

James 1:2-4 says, "2Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

Romans 5:3-5 says, "we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

Jesus said, in Matthew 5:11-12, "11"Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. 12"Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Sometimes it is those who are closest to us who the devil uses to persecute us. Sometimes they are restored and sometimes they aren't. Jesus had Judas, Samson had Delilah, Isaac had Rebekah. By persecute I mean the broader sense of working against us. David had Michel. In fact David had lots of people, his brothers, Saul and his own son. Joseph had his brothers.

So, we have our instruction, "Count it all joy!" "Exult in it!" and "Be blessed!" I was listening to something last night about depression. It said that our conscious mind, which in general terms he referred to as containing logic and emotions, drives the subconscious. We are told to make decisions by our will. Not by logic or by emotions. And he was saying the same thing. We have the power to choose and the conscious mind will lead the subconscious. Therefore if we choose to be depressed and negative then the subconscious will look at our decision and obey it, and cause all the necessary reactions in us. Whereas, if we choose joy, then the subconscious will obey that and cause all the necessary reactions.

1 Corinthians 10:13, says, "13No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it"

That is possibly the hardest passage to comprehend at times. If God thinks we are not tempted beyond what we are able, He has a far bigger belief in me than I do! I would almost say that God really doesn't know me if He thinks I am not tested beyond what I am able! But the word says we are not. So, therefore we aren't! We give in far sooner than we give ourselves credit for. The people in this world think that this life is about living a happy life until we die. God tells us that it is about endurance, trials, perseverance, hardships and having our eyes beyond this world and on the heavenly perspective. We are to praise God and give Him thanks in all situations. We are to make good righteous decisions when everyone around us is making wrong decisions. Jesus made the decision to go to the cross, even though it wasn't logical for Him, it wasn't what He "felt" like doing. It was a matter of the will. I have to choose the good path. God has not bought me this far to perish.

Get your own wisdom

I have shared on this several times. There are two main areas where church leaders fall down on the one subject.

1, seeking advice!
2, giving advice!

It follows a pattern doesn't it? I have noticed that a lot of trendy would be mega church pastors become mega church tourists. They seek out someone who has done what they want to do and buy their books and even visit their church. Years ago, Bill Hybels was the guy, Willow Creek was the place. Everyone wanted to be like him, he had such a successful church.

I heard about Bill that his secretary always buys him 4 new books every time he goes on a plane. I wonder how many of his wannabes copy that as well! The point is Bill is Bill, people want to copy what he did but they often fail because they aren't Bill. They can't make every decision the way he would, no matter how many of his books they read, because they are not him.

The other side of this is in giving advice. When a person from the congregation of a pastor comes to him with a problem, many pastors have the answer right there for them. I have been guilty of this too. Is is a crime and it is theft. I need to change my policy.

In a church meeting once I read out the verse in James 1:5, "If anyone lacks wisdom let him ask the pastor." And the people nodded, I then laughed, it doesn't say that. It says, "If anyone lacks wisdom let them ask God!"

I am glad that this has come to a head in my life and that I have realised early enough. Pastors make people pastor dependant. They have them hanging on their every word. People like Joyce Meyer, make people Joyce dependent in the same way.

So let's re examine this. A pastor looks at a church and thinks in his own mind "That's what I want to do for God." So, he sets about doing it. Two things, 1 does God want that? Did Bill go to God for the blue print or was it his understanding he was leaning on? (Watch the bible church videos below under "Wahoo" to see what God's word says about church blueprint). 2, if it was what God wanted and Bill got it from God then wouldn't it be better to build a relationship with God and get it from the same source, or at least get exactly what God wants for you from him?

When a congregation member comes to the pastor, wouldn't it be better for the pastor to teach the people to be "God dependant" rather than "pastor dependant?" No matter what the problem, tell them to first ask God.

Not only did James not tell us to ask the pastor, he also didn't say to read the bible, get the concordance out or google it! The solution is very simple, ask God.

Faith to me is living according to the word. Many Christians today believe they have great faith because they tithe and have a daily quiet time, yet they get anxious, Jesus said don't so how much do they trust him? We are not condemned yet people fell condemned so how much do we trust him. We are told that when we lack wisdom we should ask God, yet we read books, ask people and go to anyone we can find rather than simply ask God. So how much do we trust him? It is easy to build up that relationship and trust, basically ask Him when you lack wisdom!

The next part of what James says is that God gives to everyone that asks. So it isn't a case of a quick "What should I do Lord?" Followed by, "I think God wants me to ask the pastor!"

And clearly we need to test everything against scripture, so if you hear God saying, "Get a divorce" "Kill him" or whatever, then your wires are crossed somewhere. It is about learning to build the relationship by pushing through. We need to get past our own wishful thinking and imagination to the place where we hear from God.

Wahoo!!