Do I believe in love at first sight?

No! I don't believe in love. That is to say I don't have time for what we glibly refer to as love as an excuse to get our claws into someone and say they are all mine. From what I understand there are chemicals in the brain involved in this attraction.

Supposedly this chemical stuff lasts around 7 years, in that time you get some history together. That history helps to form a bond.

So, this "love" is nothing more than a chemical high followed by a "Folie à Deux" (the madness of two!) a French expression that talks about how two people doing something together becomes more intense and directed.

However, there is a kind of love that has little to do with the emotions. It is the kind of love that will work through devotion. This is the love of the Bible. It has the ability to be unconditional. The thing about the "marriage" love is that it isn't unconditional. It is also very selfish. It is a love that is as much self serving as it is serving the object of the love. It is a love that is exclusive. The thing about unconditional love is that it isn't selfish or exclusive.

"Marriage love" is often out of desperation. The feeling that you don't want to be alone or left on the shelf. It can be a boastful love, "Look at my partner, better than your partner." both can be motivated from insecurity. Unconditional love isn't motivated from feelings of insecurity but rather from a base of security. It isn't driven from the self motivated feeling of loneliness, but rather by feeling for others. It isn't motivated pride or ego, in fact true unconditional love has to be the complete opposite. I have met people who try to show unconditional love in a boastful way, but that is self sabotaging, as it is no longer unconditional. It is not being given to those who have to be boasted to!

Have I got time for the kind of fickle waste of time and energy we mistakenly call love? No, There are too many people living for what they can get out of life. I want to devote my time and energy to just loving full stop. Not waiting to be loved. God loves me and from that I can love.

Well, it's started

I had given up posting on here because I wanted to focus on writing stuff properly. Since then I have written and booklet called "God is love, part 1: being open to God's love." Available from me on PDF or printed copy if you are close enough.

I have also given a talk at our church. The recording quality is pretty bad but you can hear it here (Oooh both heres/ hears in one sentence!!) http://www.twydallec.org.uk/Twydall/Richard.m3u