Comfort class or non-comfort!

This is in reply to a comment on my previous post. Thanks Alice for raising the issue and giving me something else to chew on!

"I'm interested in how you perceive how well you communicate as compared to how your friends perceive it. I don't know, maybe God likes to stretch us - when we're uncomfortable we are stripped of our "awesomeness" and reveal God's mercy all the more. Just a thought.

I don't really know when/how I communicate best. I'd much rather write an email than make a phone call. I like being able to backspace and get all my thoughts in order on paper. Real-time conversation is much more difficult." Alice

Like you I much prefer to write. It gives me time to think about what I express. I might write something and then think of how I would express that better. I was surprised you came out a 6 actually as that is very much a 5 thing. But then I am understanding it being a 5! Maybe it is a 6 thing too!

Also I have noticed that as a 5 I have the annoying habit of not wanting to be me in public speaking. I find that if I am put in front of a mike I immediately start trying to be a caricature of how I would like to be perceived. When I am writing I am happy to be me, warts and all.

I don't know if you read my older pot on personality http://chewtime.blogspot.com/2007/12/personality.html

There I discuss the idea that we are supposed to put off our old "personalities" and put on the new personality of Christ. That doesn't me we stop being the essence of who God made us to be, but there are several driving factors that are definitely not good for us. So, now when I am stuck in front of a mike I try and not be anything other than me. I like it when I see the real person in front rather than a character.

Some people get confused by secular comedians and even soap stars. There are two basic types of stand up, those who are the same on stage as off and those who play a character.

Part of what you ask about how others have responded, is that it is when I have "acted" even more that I get the most positive response. For example, I once had to give the reading of the valley of dry bones. The more I read it at home the more I got the narrative of how the person was telling this story as if they were down the pub talking in a "You'll never guess what happened to me today" type of way! Another time was on Trinity Sunday, I dressed as a clown and performed a clown sketch trying to explain the trinity. From that I got a lot of requests to do the clown for teaching in the children's groups.

You have opened a realm of possibility in me. You see, I would rather be me, perhaps, if according to the feedback I have some kind of gift for acting then that is what God made me to be and what He wants me to do.

I had tried to give a talk every week to see if I could get comfortable with it. But I couldn't. I still felt really awkward giving a talk, very self conscious. However, when I am performing it is like I am driving a car! It is like I am using a skill. The down side is it is a performance. Somewhere buried deep down inside I have realised that I have something against the idea of church being a performance. I don't like it when the worship is performed to the congregation, for example. But, there are clearly performances. I have no problem with watching drama in church. It is a powerful illustration at times.

Coming back to the writing. I used to write all sorts. I wrote for the Parish mag every month. I wrote a few dramas. I even wrote a daily devotional for about 3 years! I don't know whether you have seen the Rambo film. The thin plot in it is based on the idea that he used to be a somebody and now everyone treats him like hes a nobody and this gives him a licence to kill everyone! The fact that I used to do these things is of no consequence to me. I am always looking to see what God has next!

I wrestle as well with writing styles. I loath having to do studies with loads of verses. Again I would rather just write how I feel about a thing. Express an idea rather than try and drill a teaching into someone! I have always found that when I am inspired to write something creative it is much better. I get a far greater sense of fulfilment from it, and people seem to like it too. I think I am a 5 with a 4 wing! I once accidentally sent of my rough notes rather than my finished article and got more positive feedback from that than any other! So I prefer creative writing to formal writing. In the same way that I prefer creative drama to formal address.

I spent two and a half years since all of that in a church that frustrated my writing but gave me ample opportunities to talk as me. I still do not feel comfortable. I think I am jealous of those people who can speak ad lib in public. I'd love to be able to be one of those people who when the preacher hasn't turned up I'd just get up and give a hours talk! Even when I have been thinking about it for a week, if I haven't got notes my mind goes blank! That brought me into the idea of notes. How much notes? Basically, I like a script. I have tried just having pointers, but then I have the trouble of not trusting that I will think of what to say and writing the whole thing out in full! At one time when I was feeling very self conscious about having these notes and one of the first time for using them, someone said, "If you have written it all down you might as well give us the notes!" The problem was that as someone who would prefer to write I would have preferred to give them the notes!

Now, I am in a church that has no magazine and very little going on in the way of drama. Perhaps I need to be bold and ask the pastor for the chance to do a drama in the service. That is how the clowning came about. I would also like to ask if there is a way of writing for the general distribution among the church, maybe getting an extended news letter or mag.

We have only been in this church for a while and haven't become "members" yet! (this being a baptist church!) The pastor has been here less time than us, as he has only just been appointed. However, I noticed that his membership went through very quickly! Favouritism!

All I can say is thank you Alice for giving me something to chew on!