Second bite of the same cherry!

You seem like a nice person. I wonder if you could help me? I've got this problem. I don't quite get this Christian love stuff. I mean sometimes I feel that as a Christian I should be bluntly honest but I'm not sure whether that's loving all the time.

You see I've got this friend! Well, I know this guy! And he's pretty odd looking. I don't want to say what's odd about him, but there are some features that if I'm honest I don't really like in him. Should I tell him? I mean that would be being honest wouldn't it. Maybe, I should suggest to him that he have surgery or something! At least I should tell him every time I see him because it makes me feel better to know that I have said what I feel!

Oh, you don't think that very loving? What, you think I should just let him be and accept him the way he is? I'm actually being judgmental? Oh, I didn't realise! Oops!

But that's not all, he doesn't just look funny I don't like the sound of his voice either. Whenever I hear it it makes me cringe. I really don't want him speaking in public when I'm there. Do you think I should try and discourage him? I don't want him to make a fool of himself. I feel it would be loving to dissuade him form it.

Oh, you you don't think that's very loving? You think I should just accept him the way he is? You think I'm being controlling? Oh, sorry!

Now, look, that's not all about him. He also upsets me. I mean, just between us, he sins!! I mean lots of them. little ones and occasionally big ones. A little lie hear, a little indulgence there. You know what I mean. What should I do? I think I should never let him forget that he is a sinner until he gets it under control!

You mean that's not loving either? I should forgive him and let it go? I should let God deal with him? You mean it's hypercritical and judgmental after all we have all sinned? Oh dear, I'm not very good at this am I?

But, he has history, I know his history. Surely I should keep reminding him of where he has come from and ground him. Remind him that his past was not that brilliant.

You mean that's not loving either?!! But surely it's honest? It's not even honest? That not the truth about him if he's a Christian. Christ has removed all of his past. He's born again and a new creation? So reminding him of his past hurts is not being truthful? Oh dear, oh dear! I really am not very good at this am I?

I want to thank you for helping me with that. Changing the subject, you've been so helpful I wonder if you could help me with a maths puzzle? I'm sure it's not too hard, but I stuck! It goes like this:

If a = b and a = 2 then what is the value of b?

You think it's simple? b = 2? Oh, I think I see. If a = b then a is the same as b, a is as b. Right! Does that mean that if a = b then b = a? There should be no difference between them? So a isn't not equal to b. a is not greater than b. a is not less than b. a is exactly equal to b. Whatever a is, b is. and whatever b is a is. I get it now!

So when Jesus said, "Love your neighbour as yourself." then it follows that we should "love ourselves as our neighbour?" That isn't being self indulgent. It is just saying that is the same kind of love we should show to ourselves. I'm glad about that, because that guy I was talking about earlier, well, you know how it is when someone says, "I've got this friend?" Yes it was me! I was talking about what I didn't like about me. But what you have shown me is that I should show myself the same kind of love that I would show others. I shouldn't critics myself for how I look, I should accept the way God made me. I should not keep reminding myself of my failings and put myself down. Jesus has already paid the price. And I certainly shouldn't keep reminding myself of my past!

Thank you for your help!

Thinking about it. If I am always criticising myself then that will become the foundation of the love I have for others. I can imagine that I love God and He loves me and I have a wonderful love for others and I am locked in a cupboard! But that which is in the cupboard has a habit of coming out! If a = b (and Jesus said it that way!) then whatever is the love I show for myself is the love I will show for others. I will strain to reach higher with others, but it is like trying to do anything better if we haven't spent time with the foundation.

A simpler way of seeing this is to imagine I have a bowl. In that bowl I already have all that I feel about myself. When I come to you, if I hold out my bowl for you to take something, you may find there is nothing there you want to take, only frustration, pain, abuse, nonacceptance, unfrogiveness and so on. I may try and cover that up and pretend I am full of love but it is only superficial. In fact it will often seem as if I am coming to you for you to fill my bowl for me! And if you try and fill my bowl, it will be like trying to poor clean water into a bowl of already dirty water. The clean water will just flow over the top, in that way that I wont be able to accept any good thing from you or God if I am closed to allowing myself to receive it!

First I need to go to the cross and empty my bowl. I then need to take time with the foundation. I need to fill it with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, forgiveness and mercy. I need to accept that for myself first and once my bowl is full of those, then I am ready to hand it out to you for you to take from it what you need.

Remember James (3:11) asked, "11Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water?" And the answer is "No!" We cannot be bitter water to ourselves and fresh water to others.

There is a saying that you cannot give from an empty cup. But, there is no such thing as empty!! Not for long, even Jesus said that (Luke 11:24-26) , you kick one demon out, and unless you fill the space with good things, then you will find eight times more and worse than you started with!